Whoa Mama

Sunday, November 07, 2010

All – Ay – Oooo – Yuh

This morning Scott delivered the news that the basket full of pants that contained 90% of the boys’ nice pants was not in fact clean. The remaining pants were in the wash. Because of various commitments, I had to go to church so off we went in our very best denim. I now know that trotting off looking like we were headed to “My Great Big Redneck Wedding” should have been seen as omen that it was.

We get to church and I realize that I don’t have our bag of books, a necessity for 6-year olds to make it through the hour. OK, no worries. The church supplies “Things To Do” bags for the kids. They each grab one on the way in, only to find at our pew that they contain each a board book, a stuffed animal, a folder of blank paper, 11 playing cards, and something weighty in the bottom that I assume to be crayons.

Here comes the choir, with incense. Ugh. I open the hymnal to a two pager. Aidan, embracing his heritage, does his very best Irish whisper, “DDDAAAADDDDDD-YYY”. Noah is waving the like the crown prince to the priest and deacon. They wave back. I tell him that now that they’d seen him, he’s got to be on his best behavior. He flashes a priceless look at me that plainly says “Oh. Shit.”

We sit. I open the bulletin to find that due to All Saints Day, we are renewing baptismal vows AND vesting new choristers (translation: adding 15 minutes to the service). We are intentionally close to the back and near no one, until a well-groomed middle aged couple park themselves behind us. Really, folks?? They DO look cute from afar and are best appreciated at that distance.

I collect all the playing cards from both bags and cobble together a fair Go Fish deck and instruct them to show the card they want and point if they’ve got to draw. Silent Go Fish. Fine. No, I have no problem with them playing card in church. It isn’t as if there’s any money on the game. It works ok until Aidan wins. And cheers.

Next up, the paper. Here. Color. Draw. Show us some creativity. Aidan’s bag has no crayons. I grab four of Noah’s 9 crayons and a golf pencil. They are so old that one of them is labeled at the color “flesh”. The others are “bisque”, “pewter, and “slate”. He shows me his disgust at this sorry spectrum, and I quickly lie (yes, in church), “Noah has the same ones”.

Mercifully, Aidan soon whispers, “I have to pee”. Perfect. A walk!

They do their business, I straighten ties, ignore the inevitable wets sleeves (at least they washed), tuck everything back in and head back.

I do ask for some participation. They stand when the congregation stands. They choose to participate some with the choir, as they are in the “Training Choir” and have some familiarity with the music. I make sure they say the Lord’s Prayer. At the correct time, they proudly stand up and launch in to it. About half way through, Noah burps. Loudly. This has clearly broken his concentration because when I glance down at him, he has finger up his nose, nearly poking out an eye. He looks back at me, reaches to wipe away my tears and inquires ,”what is so funny, Mommy?”

We get to Communion and Aidan turns around crunching and rubbing his belly in yummy circles. Just get me off the alter!!! But no. They both stop, pulling my arms and announce that “We know this one!”, like Kasey Kassum was playing their favorite song.

For their big finish, Noah belted out a little “All – Ay – Oooo – Yuh “. My sentiments exactly.


At 9:13 PM , Blogger Sarah said...

Great post. There is nothing wrong with playing cards in church - that is where most of us learned how to play!


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