just how things work

When I was pregnant with Sam, I thought he was a girl. I had dreams he was a girl. I dreamt an actual date of birth (April 28). But alas, no girl here!!!!! I am publicly confessing, I was a wee tiny itty bitty bit disappointed. Now I know we all say, "I don't care what it is as long as he or she is healthy." That wasn't 100% true. I wanted a girl. I was certain that I was destined to be a girl mommy.

By the way, the other part of that statement, the bit about being healthy, I didn't know how much I meant that until it was in question. Sammy had an enlarged bladder resulting in a terrible series of tests, plus antibiotics everyday until our pediatric urologist, with the personality of a coat hanger, gave him the all-clear at 6 months. And he could have been a hermaphrodite by that point as long as he was healthy!!!

And after welcoming the births of Julia, Ella & Tess, Finn and Maeve, I come to see that Sammy and for that matter, Aidan and Noah (no matter how wild they might be now) are in place to be the protectors, the first crushes, the screeners of boyfriends, the defense instructors (Gina can pack a whallop....just ask John who taught her to do it!), the big brothers they don't have. Today it occured to me that that was the only thing that I couldn't wrap my head around when thinking I was having a girl, was that she wouldn't have a big brother. I am shaped by the safe, humbling, loving, fun experience of having a big brother who was my first friend, who never let me down, who always kept an eye on me (even if from a distance), who was a confidante, an antagonist, a rival, an opposite, a guiding force (even if I was blazing my own trail), a light in my world.

So girls (though it won't be full time for some of you)...





















THEY'RE ALL YOURS!!!!!